The Triangle match at Uncensored could be the most violent of all-time.
I don’t know where the notion of hardcore wrestling started.
Where anyone got the idea that it was noble to take three blows to deliver one is beyond me.
Who decided it was better to hit with a shovel instead of hitting a suplex. Why is it that some prefer barbed wire and blood to headlocks and huracanranas.
But I do have a good idea where the notion of hardcore might peak.
It might peak Sunday at Uncensored.
Raven, Hardcore Hak and Bam Bam Bigelow meet in an anything-goes three-way dance at Uncensored to determine the “King of Hardcore.” Why these three feel the intense need to bludgeon each other to within an inch of their lives for a title that doesn’t officially exist, a title that won’t bring its owner an increase in pay, well, I don’t know that, either.
But I do know they will.
I do know Sunday’s three-way dance has a chance to be the most violent match ever.
I do know that match will make Uncensored live up to its name.
Let’s look at what each competitor brings to said dance:
RAVEN -- He’s the Godfather of hardcore -- well, more like the Oddfather, really. First, he’s depressed and violent. Then, he takes Ferris Bueller’s Day Off with Kanyon, revealing to the world that he’s been faking depression all along, that he was really a rich, spoiled kid and not a deprived, abused waif. Yet he’s still violent. Yet he still bellows, “What about me? What about Raven?” Bottom line: Raven is a psycho. One who shops at Versace, true, but a psycho nonetheless. He swings a mean trash-can lid, he delivers a stunning Evenflow DDT, he executes a brutal drop-toehold into a folding chair. He also has an ace in the hole in sister Chastity, who danced around this past Nitro’s impromptu brawl between the Three Stooges of mindless mayhem as if she were playing a zone defense.
HARDCORE HAK -- The Hak attack is simple -- swing that bamboo cane as hard as possible and as often as possible. Hak may also be the most suicidal of our trio. Witness the legdrops he delivers from the ring apron. Witness that he wraps himself in barbed wire. By the way, this guy must have tough skin, because the barbed wire never cuts it. Maybe if he dies at Uncensored, he can be made into souvenir luggage. Hak used some weapons in other promotions that we haven’t seen in WCW. Hak will likely use those weapons at Uncensored. I expect him to climb ladders, adding more impact to his dives and legdrops. To make more violent use of the ringside tables. To smoke and drink and curse. To stagger to the ring during a 15-minute entrance. Well, maybe he won’t do that last stuff I mentioned. Those days may be over. But I expect Hak to be hardcore as hell at Uncensored.
BAM BAM BIGELOW -- If bigger is better -- and, indeed, it often is -- then the Beast from the East is a heavy favorite to become King of Hardcore at Uncensored. Bigelow isn’t above swinging chairs or trash cans or throwing people into parked cars. In fact, given a chance, Bigelow might even throw somebody in front of a moving car. But Bigelow prefers to use his incredible size and corresponding agility as his main weapons. He hurtles his 400-plus-pound frame around like a luchador, and the resulting brutality can be startling. Despite being the closest thing to a legit wrestler among the three, Bam Bam is definitely hardcore. He has fire tattooed on his head, for God’s sakes. He doesn’t know the meaning of the word “quit.” He comes from the mean streets of Asbury Park, N.J. Given his size and strength, Bigelow is the most equipped of the three to do long-term damage to his foes.
I’ll tell you the weirdest thing about these three.
They don’t really seem to hate each other all that much.
In fact, they seem to love the violence more than they hate each other.
Did you see the start of the match between Raven and Hak on Nitro?
They started out by hugging each other.
Then they proceeded to kill each other.
This hardcore fraternity is a strange one. I’d hate to be a pledge. I bet the hazing is pure hell.
One thing is beyond doubt. These three guys helped invent hardcore wrestling.
Through the course of their careers, they’ve redefined hardcore wrestling almost every time they’ve stepped in the ring.
And on Sunday, they may take hardcore wrestling to a whole new peak.
I hope they’re alive to bask in the post-match glory.
My pick to win the King of Hardcore is Bam Bam Bigelow.
But things will only get harder for Bam Bam afterwards.
Because uneasy lies the head that wears the crown of barbed wire.